Who in their right mind would try to sell their house when their children are of the little variety?
Us, that's who.
My two-year-old has the attention span of an untrained puppy.
He picks up toys at one end of the house and litters them all the way down to the other as he gets bored with each one.
And thanks to Santa and co. he now has double the amount to spread around _ so much for all the decluttering we did when we first went on the market, it already appears as though we need to build a new room to house the toys.
He can make a mess quite quickly, too.
He also makes time records packing up, but those are at the other end of the scale with a world's slowest title to go with it.
Nine-month-old P2 seems to enjoy helping his big brother make a mess these days.
He can pretty much move wherever he wants to in the house now, so has started getting into all those things that shouldn't interest babies, but somehow seem to.
Baby sees DVDs in rack and thinks DVDs must come out of rack.
Baby sees vertical blinds and thinks vertical blinds need shaking until the chain loops are pulled clean out of their clasps.
Baby sees nappies neatly lined on bottom shelf of change table and thinks nappies need spreading across the nursery floor.
Baby sees pile of catalogues and newspapers and thinks catalogues and newspapers should be scrunched, torn and strewn.
But keeping the house tidy is just one challenge.
Keeping it clean is another.
P2 might be nine months old now and coasting around all over the place, but he still suffers a touch of reflux.
Not a great combination.
Especially if he has a little overflow at one end of the house and I don't find it immediately.
Thank God there are only carpets in four rooms of the house, I say.
And if that's not enough, there's also the smash-and-crash daily derby.
Partners in crime _ the crime is scuffing the walls _ P1 and P2 chase each other around the house in their little cars dodgem-style.
P1 has a primary-coloured little plastic bubble car while his baby brother has a walker that looks like a car.
When they're not bumping into each other, they're bumping into the walls, devaluing the place little by little with each mark.
Then, when someone actually does come to inspect the place (not many bites over the festive season, however), you're faced with the task of having it tidy and clean and on your way out the door hoping that while you grabbed your bag and your keys P1 didn't find a toy tub to knock over on his way and P2 didn't chuck on the floor over your shoulder without you noticing.
But after all this, the hardest thing to deal with is tidying, cleaning and taking the kids out somewhere in the heat to make way for inspectors that don't even have the courtesy to show up.
They, quite clearly, don't have kids of their own.
Or maybe they do and that's the reason they never made it.
_ Bree Almond
Prue and her Princes is now on Facebook. Become a fan at www.facebook.com.au
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