I almost rushed P1 to the doctor the other day when he told me he was suffering from the quite serious-sounding ``hippo-cups''.
Turns out they were nothing compared to the eye ailment he suffered a few days later.
``Mum, what's wrong with my eye? Is it (he means ``it is'') sore,'' he said to me.
When I asked him what we were going to do about it, he told me it was time to ``Chuck it in the bin because it not working''.
On closer inspection I discovered his diagnosis was a little _ to say the least _ extreme.
He says some funny things.
Sometimes I think he likes talking just for the sake of it.
That's fair enough, he's got this relatively new tool he knows how to use pretty well and I guess he's just practising with it until it's perfect.
Having said that, hearing the same sentence 100 times in a day tends to grind on you.
Or being asked the same question five times when you answered it the first.
He also likes stating the obvious _ which hasn't reddened my cheeks in public too much yet, but I'm sure it will one day after a slight glimpse into the future while we were in the doctor's waiting room recently.
Standing about two feet away from a man seated waiting to see his doctor, P1 tells me at the top of his voice: ``Mum, that man has a beard!''
Yes darling, I can see that, I thought, he's also sitting down, reading a magazine, wearing clothes. Anything else glaringly obvious you'd like to share?
Another day in another waiting room where it was running awfully close to the boys' lunchtime and nap time (a bad combination for being in public), P1 decided he would say the word ``bum'' over and over at raised volume.
At first I ignored it, hoping he would just stop _ but he didn't.
Then, embarrassed, I tried to confuse him by asking if he was singing the Boom, Boom, Pow song he loves so much by the Black Eyed Peas, but I was told ``no'' quite definitely before he carried on with his bum anthem.
Speaking of Black Eyed Peas songs, I think I need to have a few words to commercial radio programmers who think it's a great idea to give the group's song Shut Up plenty of airplay during my boys' waking hours.
For anyone who doesn't know the song, it doesn't say shut-up once, it says it over and over during the chorus _ and quite clearly, too.
When it came on in the car after I'd already been told once to shut up by P1 (in response to me asking if he was ready for me to clear his brekkie dishes, would you believe?), I didn't know if I should ignore it or turn it down.
If I chose the latter, would he notice my reaction and use it against me some more?
It's hard to be consistent when dealing with things like this.
Sometimes when he uses his words as weapons I ignore them in an attempt to make him think they're not so powerful after all.
But sometimes, probably depending on how much sleep I've had myself, I can't help but snap and tell him not to say certain things.
I love words, I really do, and I love to hear my kids talk. I love the myriad of emotions words can stimulate, but I don't like feeling frustrated.
I guess that's inevitable though.
After all, there are only so many buttons that can be pushed before the destruct one is found.
_ Bree Almond
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